just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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