Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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