Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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