He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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