My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
