So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
