Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
