I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize