i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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