Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
