I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I wish life had little blips of pornography
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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