"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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