We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
