so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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