I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
