I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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