hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
