Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize