smell my finger.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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