Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
