I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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