Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
