So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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