I wanna passion pit in your ass
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
