I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
