You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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