We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
