So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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