WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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