haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
