You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
