Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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