your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
