were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize