You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize