Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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