he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
