Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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