I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
