they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
