I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize