her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
