I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
