How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
