I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
