are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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