I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
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