the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
