When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
