So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize