This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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