i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You're like the curious george of whores
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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