I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
