Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
