He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
there is glitter all over my balls
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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