either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
