No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
porn star boner night. come get it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
