Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
