At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize