i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
