keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
