he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hippo gnu deer
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
