I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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