3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I wish life had little blips of pornography
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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