Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
