how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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