At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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